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| OMFG LOL!!! | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 5 2009, 04:03 AM (271 Views) | |
| Wolverine | Jul 5 2009, 04:03 AM Post #1 |
 
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These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? _________________________ ___________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? W ITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And this one takes the cake!!!! ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law... |
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| Bluezone777 | Jul 5 2009, 06:58 AM Post #2 |
 
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LOL those are awesome. 
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My Awards  
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| Angie | Jul 5 2009, 07:57 AM Post #3 |
I'm an Angel, are you?
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LMFAO THE LAST ONE XD |
[pet]http://i39.tinypic.com/14tmyo1.gif[/pet]   | |
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| Wolverine | Jul 6 2009, 08:45 AM Post #4 |
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lol i know 
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| Xarina | Jul 8 2009, 07:45 AM Post #5 |
<3 Jason
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lol good ones. |
安娜·茨瑞尔斯·乌突森  Spoiler: click to toggle WoW  | |
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| Wolverine | Jul 8 2009, 07:46 AM Post #6 |
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I know
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| Drekk454 | Aug 24 2009, 12:14 PM Post #7 |
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and people say it is hard to become a lawyer apparently they let every monkey in a suite become a lawyer |
 I have been told I am a beast to work with well it ain't my fault you don't like hairy guys | |
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| Teweesa | Oct 9 2009, 09:27 PM Post #8 |
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These are REAL? Gosh, I think if I ever need to I'll be representing myself. |
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| December, Esq | Oct 9 2009, 10:50 PM Post #9 |
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WIN.
I've heard stories about law school, and it frightens me that one day I may rely upon these people to save my sorry ass. |
Will to Live: a "real life" roleplay where psychotic characters run amok. It's not unusual to come across a human who thinks he's a werewolf, a girl with split personalities, or a guy who looks exactly like six other people on campus. Dare you enter the insanity?
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| Darklight | Nov 2 2009, 06:27 PM Post #10 |
Psychognosis
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Lawyers are more brain dead than I thought..... Wait a second, don't a lot of lawyers go into politics? I wonder if the state of the country is a coincidence or lawyers being lawyers? |
    Looking for the right lady. Mjust be about as strange as I am. | |
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